Thursday, January 23, 2014

Babymoon in Cancun

I’m finally getting around to blogging about our “Babymoon in Cancun”, and get a few pictures up of our wonderful week filled of sun, sand and food! Ever since I heard the term Babymoon, I knew that one day when I was pregnant – I was going to do one! Nick hates the term, and really didn’t want to spend the money (but when does he ever?), but sometimes I don’t give him a choice – haha. The main reason I wanted to go was to reward ourselves for the all the hard work Nick and I did in 2013, and felt it was both necessary and needed. Nick worked his butt off last year with being a fulltime student, working insane hours and fulfilling other responsibilities. I also worked fulltime not taking many days off, and had a very busy social calendar. Recently however, it became clear that we needed to get away for other reasons too. With our baby’s diagnosis, our 2014 became just that more busy. Babies in general turn your life upside down, but Nick and I are in for quite the journey this year and who knows how long it will be before we will be able to relax again. We will be spending a full 6 weeks in a hospital when our little girl arrives this spring, and I’m anticipating medical appointment after medical appointment after she is discharged for months to come. So it became very clear that this trip was needed, now more than ever.

I decided to book our trip at the beginning of January because I knew I would have a hard time getting days off around Christmas. I also would be around the 24 week mark in my pregnancy, which I thought would be perfect because I wouldn’t be in that nauseas first trimester and my stomach wouldn’t be a gigantic third trimester bump. Also – what a great way to kick off the New Year!

The flight there and back wasn’t particularly fun, and Nick has threatened/refused to fly with me again! With the combination of flying, being pregnant, an extra sensitive stomach, healing tailbone and Percocets, I did not make for an easy passenger. Nick had to have barf bags ready to go, because I was throwing up all the way there, and all the way back. Once we got to Mexico I was fine (keep in mind that I only had to take the painkillers for the flying part of our trip, and haven’t had to take any since we’ve been back either), and was able to eat and enjoy the rest of our trip.
The first day we got there it was raining, but it was the late afternoon, so we just checked in, ate, relaxed in our room and went to bed. The rest of our trip however, we couldn’t ask for better weather! One thing that I found a little funny was I thought it was taboo to ask a woman if she is pregnant, but from the Calgary airport, throughout our entire trip and back and I loads of people asking me when I was due and if we knew the gender. I’m taking this as a compliment as I guess there is no mistaking the fact that I am pregnant, and not fat – lol!

We only did one excursion while there, because frankly, excursions are not relaxing and that was the WHOLE point of this trip. We did a quick trip to Tulum to see the beautiful ruins on the beach. Though it was one of the quicker excursions, it was still a long and hot day for me.  We really didn’t prepare ourselves and wished we would have brought snacks, extra water and sunscreen! Oh well, it was still an amazing trip, and the views were spectacular. What I really wanted to do was swim with the dolphins, but I already knew before we went that that was going to be a no-go being pregnant and all. Next time...

Overall it was a great trip full of drinks, food, TWO massages for myself, loads of relaxing and some romantic time for Nick and I. Though it may be awhile until we can get away again – I’m already dreaming of our next big vacation. Cheers!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

24 Weeks & Emotional Rollercoaster

How far along? 24 Weeks
Total weight gain: 20lbs. (I know this will go up, but that number kind of scared me. Like wow – I’m definitely pregnant).
Ultrasound/ECHO/Dr Appt update: (new) I decided to add this category because I have either an ultrasound, ECHO or dr. appt every week, so why not update everyone on what we find out. So at the 23 weeks ultrasound, she was measuring perfectly in size. Her foot his 4 cm, and the tech said it’s DEFINITLEY a girl!
Maternity clothes? Oh yeah.
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: Pretty great. My tailbone hurts, so that will sometimes wake me up at night.
Best moment this week: Going to Cancun for our Babymoon!
Miss Anything? Being able to move easily – I hate my stupid Tailbone!! And now that I’m getting bigger, my back and hips are also starting to get sore, so I’m just a big mess.
Movement: She is always kicking me. She is most active in the evening, or when I’m lying on my side/stomach squishing her. She doesn’t like it when I do Nick has also finally felt her move too!
Food cravings: I still love my salt. It’s so funny on how many sweets and chocolate I’ve turned down during the holiday season. Don’t get me wrong – I totally ate lots of goodies, but way less than I normally would. While in Cancun, all I wanted to do was order room service because they offered fries. I could care less about going to the fancy restaurants and having the fancy dinners.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Garlic and regular sausage.
Gender: GIRL! It’s been confirmed multiple times now. Every tech has been like “Yup, DEFINITELY a girl!”
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Just my growing belly!
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: I feel like I took everything so well the first few weeks after we found out our little girl has Pulmonary Atresia with VSD. I was positive and trying to look on the bright side of everything, but that has started to change a little, and controlling my emotions has become a little harder. My biggest breakdown (in front of other people besides my husband) was at my friend’s baby shower a few weeks ago. I got to hold her new little son, and I just started to bawl my eyes out. I felt so bad and guilty that I might have taken some attention off her and her baby, but thankfully she told me that she understood and told me not to be sorry. Her baby was so perfect and holding him made me realize that I wasn’t going to be able to do the normal things most people get to do when they first have a baby. Picturing my baby being hooked up to a million machines and not being able to hold her is all I can see. It’s devastating to realise that I will miss those first few weeks/months of holding her as much as I want to, and that certain precious moments are being stolen from me. Thoughts of “why me/us?” happen all the time. Was it something I did? Am I being punished? Why her? (I know I’m not being punished, and that I didn’t do anything to cause this, but it still doesn’t stop those thoughts or make me think back on some life decisions and mistakes I’ve made.)

A song will come on the radio, and the tear works will come. I will watch or read a story about another CHD (congenital heart defect) baby, and I breakdown. I guess I’m just going through the grieving process, at least – that’s what I am telling myself (maybe a little mixture of pregnancy hormones thrown in there too). We’re slowly starting to buy things for the baby (I ordered the diaper bag I wanted!), but at the same time I can feel my enthusiasm is not where it should be (at least on the inside). I’m so happy to be a mom, but what if something goes wrong? Should I be preparing myself for the worse?

I’m doing my best to put on a brave face for everyone else and reassure them that it’s okay. Nick hates it when people say, “oh, its okay, everything will be fine” or “at least it’s fixable”. I can see his point – that well yes it is “fixable”, it’s still devastating to have to even go through this to begin with, and we don’t know if everything will be okay. It’s not just one quick fix after she is born – she will have to go through multiple surgeries as she grows up, and each one comes with their own risks. She will also have to have to be followed by a cardiologist for the rest of her life, and will have to go through test after test. Something else could go wrong with her heart – like a leaky valve, and who knows what type or kind of medication she’ll be on for the rest of her life (so this may have just turned into a little rant....). Anyways, I just tell Nick that what people really mean is “I’m sorry you’re going through this, and you guys are strong”.

I’m scared and just overwhelmed at times. This is only the beginning of what will be an emotional rollercoaster that Nick and I will be on for a long time.Though we’ve had lots of guidance, and told what to expect the first while after she is born, there are still lots of unknowns and we still can’t predict the future. At this point, I can only pray for a great delivery, a successful surgery, and quick recovery.
Looking forward to: Our ski trip to Whitefish, MT

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

6 Months!

Hello from Cancun! I officially became 6 months pregnant while lying on the beach in Cancun, Mexico (24 wks)