for time & all eternity

{January 17, 2013}

I really do not have time this week to be writing a post with all the things I have left to do. I have so much to get done and ready for Saturday, it’s crazy. At the same time, I think it is really important that I document this extremely special moment and time in my life. I want to document this, because I want to be able to go back and read what my feelings were leading up to our Sealing Day. I also hope to one day show this to my children, so they know will know that the real reason I fought to be sealed to Nick was because of them.

Since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to go the temple and be married for time and all eternity. I sang the primary song “I love to see the Temple” all the time, and it just became so important for me to make this covenant. When Nick and I started dating, I really thought it was just going to be a temporary thing, and that I would break it off within 3 months (yes – he is now aware that this was my thinking back when we first started dating). He wasn’t LDS, and I figured that I could just date him for fun. After those 3 months though – I began to fall in love with him. He was sweet, thoughtful, driven and kind. What attracted me the most to him was the fact that though he was only 19 years old, he knew what he wanted to do in life. He had future plans and goals, and I saw all the hard work he was putting in to make sure he would accomplish those goals. He even talked about kids, marriage and buying a house! Most guys I knew his age couldn’t even tell me where they wanted to be in a year. One night when I think we had only been dating for just over 4 months he told me that he already had a girl name picked out! It kind of freaked me out that he had thought of baby name (he didn’t say it was going to be our baby name), and that it was a GIRL name. It was just so endearing to me that he wanted kids and a family. He made me feel beautiful all the time, and treated me like a queen. I was torn.

Of course we talked about religion and what I believed in. He met with the missionaries a few times, but he just was not interested.  He knew I wanted to be married in the temple, and he knew the reasons why it was so important to me. We talked about marriage after dating for 6 months, but I wanted it to be my way.

I remember so clearly one day driving to Bragg Creek one Sunday to meet with some friends and I was talking to my mom on the phone. I think Nick and I had been together for over a year at that time, and I just couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I was bawling my eyes out because I just loved Nick so much, but the thought of my children not being sealed to me was even a bigger blow. She told me her feelings on the situation, and just told me that she would support me no matter what I decided. It was a really tough time in my life, deciding if I would live this double life, and would I be okay with raising my kids in the gospel by myself.

After 2 years of Nick and me dating, I visited my old Young Women’s President for some advice. She was married to a non-member at that time, but raised her kids in the gospel (since then, she has actually gotten re-married in the Temple this past November to a worthy priesthood holder, and she is just glowing with happiness). Basically by the end of our visit she told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would not have married him. That was pretty darn clear. It wasn’t the answer I wanted, but she was being very honest.

Nick and I continued to date on & off for the next year or so, and I did date other guys who were members, but they never treated me the way Nick did. Once I got to know them really well, I found that just because they were LDS, didn’t mean they were really that great.

Anyways I moved away in the summer of 2010 for work, and to also make a clean break from Nick. I met some nice guys in Saskatoon, but my heart belonged to Nick. I guess his heart belonged to me, because his heart softened, and he began to take what I thought was really important more seriously. We talked, I moved back, he took the discussions and committed to being baptized in July 2011. Words can not express my feelings that day. I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. Not only was I getting the man that I loved, but I was also getting the marriage I have always wanted.

I am so excited for Saturday. My eyes fill with tears when I think about it. I am so nervous. I have been waiting for this day my whole life. Our wedding day was beautiful, and the happiest day of my life. However, being sealed to Nick will be even more important to me.

5 Years. I feel like I've been waiting forever, and now it's finally here.

I really don’t know what to expect. Everyone has tried to tell us as much as they could, but it isn’t the same. I’m a little scared. I’m overjoyed. I'm nervous. I’m happy.