a different kind of eve

Dear Evanna,

What do I say to you on the eve of your first open heart surgery? It’s been a countdown to this moment ever since we first found out about your special heart, and while at times it seemed to be such a long ways away, in hindsight, it came too quickly. Thankfully it got extended when you were born, and we got to spend almost five blissful months with you at home.

You’ve been such a ray of sunshine and brought a light into our home. Your smile and soft giggles are the best daily gifts we receive. It’s astounding just how much we love you.

Many people ask how I’m feeling about all this. Initially I was ecstatic when Dr. Fruitman called back in July going over your cath results and how they were on the favorable side. Surgery was a go, but we had time to get you a little bigger. I know it’s weird to be happy about surgery, but we know how important it is, as we had been faced with the possibility of surgery not being an option only a few months prior. However, as days have gone by, emotions have changed too. We’re still happy that this is happening, but the heaviness of the situation is starting to sink in. I have moments where my “need to know everything” gets to be overwhelming, and I have to step away from the computer. Driving places with only my thoughts to occupy me has started to bring the tear works (same holds true for your daddy - we both just love you so much). We have been so strong for so long, but cracks have begun to form. Thinking about the moment when we have to place you into the surgical team's arms will be one of the hardest moments that we will ever have to endure. It will be rough, and it will be ugly.

I don’t want this letter/note to go on and on, because honestly there aren’t enough words. I just want you to know that mommy and daddy love you. Please be strong and fight, because you’ve shown us that this world is a beautiful place, and we want you to see it for yourself.

With all our love,
Mommy + Daddy

To our family, friends and followers: I will try my best to update the blog and Instagram (@kierrai) with Evanna’s progress as often as I can this week, and we just ask that you keep us and Evanna in your thoughts and prayers. xo The Irvine Family